Chang Shide's Defense Against His Accusations

Author: Debuchangshi (SB multitude)

Since this is an inquiry, the accused should at least be allowed to answer the questions.

I, the defendant Chang Shide, object to the charges against me and plead as follows:

1. The dangers of doing business abroad. This needs no further elaboration.

2. Integrating with the locals.

Merchants in the Ming Dynasty who traveled far and wide often had flings wherever they went. Even in the unhygienic northern deserts, many would still sleep with Mongol women who smelled up the whole tent as soon as they took off their pants (hence the nickname “stinky Tartars”). In such a situation, as a window to the outside world and a bridge of communication, if we were to live like vegetarian monks, not get close to the common people, and not act in accordance with their customs, we would be isolated and even ostracized. From our actions, you can see that I bought a few girls, gave them food and clothing, and provided them with work and the opportunity to be edified by advanced culture. From them, I gained a deep understanding of the local people’s actual way of life and thinking habits. As for any consensual things that happened in between, even the local people think it’s normal. On the contrary, Comrade Wen’s adherence to puritanical surface values has led to malicious speculation about his sexual orientation among the locals. Is this beneficial to our great cause of transmigration? A lesson, comrades, a lesson.

1. Women and “our own people.”

The Great Ancestor once said: Politics is about getting more people on your side and fewer on the enemy’s. The more women you sleep with, the more of your own people you have. Comrades, in this era, the relationship between men and women is not as equal as in the era we came from. Only after sleeping with a woman can she truly belong to us, from soul to body. Although there are 500 of us, it is obvious that when we need to go deep among the ordinary local people to understand their thoughts and habits, and to spread our gospel, isn’t it only our trusted “own people” who are reliable? Therefore, I say this is clearly a good thing that is beneficial to the great cause of the transmigrators. On the other hand, comrades, don’t forget that in this era, as masters who have absolute control over their lives, our possessing them is actually a good thing for them. It shows that they have gained the master’s trust and have the space and foundation to continue to develop by the master’s side. Please recall the great work of the decadent feudal otaku paradise, “Dream of the Red Chamber.” The maids in it all schemed and fought to hook up with their masters. Isn’t this an example of the enterprising spirit of lively and healthy young women in this era? Therefore, on the one hand, this shows that they trust us (bricks are thrown: “It’s ‘you,’ not ‘us’”), and on the other hand, it’s also that we trust them (bricks continue to be thrown: “It’s ‘you,’ not ‘us’“)…

1. Defense for using public funds.

I admit to the fact that comrades have accused me of using public funds to buy girls, but I need to explain some objective circumstances:

4.1. When I went to Leizhou, my vouchers and most of my silver were left in Lingao and were not touched. Besides a dozen or so taels of silver for pocket money, I only had the public funds that I managed with Comrade Wen. Under these circumstances, our residence and our food and clothing were all supported by these public funds. But I can guarantee that every expense, including the money for buying the girls, complied with the regulations for use and reimbursement. (Bricks are thrown: “Words are not proof, where are the invoices?” “In this day and age, you can write your own invoices…”)

4.2. I said earlier that every penny we spent on these maids was public money, but!!! Have you calculated the price? Only 50 taels of silver (according to the discussion in the 49th section of the third volume, the package deal was 10 taels in total, here I calculate it as 10 taels each). You have also been to the human market, so you should know what the price of buying a maid should be. You also have to pay wages to the workers. Now you calculate, I bought 5 female workers for 50 taels, and immediately set up the internal structure and reception agency of Leizhou, saving a lot of manpower to be put into formal work. Is this price worth it? I have seen girls in the human market who cost dozens of taels each, beautiful and delicate, but I didn’t buy them. Why? Brothers, it’s the transmigrators’ own money, how could I not feel distressed? (An otaku mutters, “What a familiar sentence.” Another says, “Comrade, it’s the proletarian ranks, how could I not feel distressed?”)

4.3. When I lived in the collective dormitory in Lingao, I lived in the collective dormitory just like everyone else, working during the day and masturbating at night. Don’t you want to have your own sexual happiness? Who doesn’t? Who doesn’t? I remember that during the training and mobilization stage before the transmigration, someone privately told me that they wanted to get a room and exchange sexual experiences. Maybe he has forgotten who said it, but I still remember (I am very happy to see some of the accusing otaku blushing). As a transmigrator, I have had my own due income since landing, although it is not much, it is still a lot of silver. Since you all still think it’s inappropriate for me, Chang, to use public funds to buy girls, then I won’t say much more. The situation at that time was that I had no cash on hand. So now, let’s just say I’m returning the silver to the collective, and this money will be deducted from my accumulated salary. In the future, I will use those girls myself, and I will be angry with anyone who dares to borrow them from me.

1. Humanitarianism.

I, Chang, do not consider myself a devout man. I have fired a gun and killed people after transmigration. Usually, I like to play with ghost-headed sabers, and with my dark face, I look menacing. But people who know me well know that I am a gentle and conscientious good young man. I am not just covering for my brothers, I also treat prisoners humanely. You have all seen the malnourished people near Lingao, which is a common phenomenon in this era. But when I saw them in the human market, they were weaker than the weakest villagers we have seen here, almost just skin and bones like mangy livestock (Wen Tong muttered: Was it that serious? They didn’t look that serious when they were bought back). We are all young people born under the red flag and raised in the new China. Seeing these women on the verge of death under the whip of the evil slave owners, and thinking that our purpose here is not only to liberate ourselves, but also to save the poor people who are still struggling in the evil feudal society? Thinking of this, who can endure such a torment of conscience and still care about how much money to spend and whose money to spend to save them? (Wen Tong muttered: Just now he was bragging about how good he was at bargaining and how little money he spent, now how come he’s bragging about not caring about spending money?) You see, their ages range from 15 to 32, such a large span, they are not a group of women suitable for sexual intercourse at all. I really couldn’t bear to see them, so I used money to rescue them from the hands of human traffickers. And just as I brought them to the gate of the Leizhou office, someone had already fainted from hunger. It was truly a sad sight to behold (Wen Tong muttered: Tears are coming down, Old Chang, you are really a drama king).

1. A little advice for everyone.

I, Chang, have said these things here today. On the one hand, it is because things were urgent when I was doing things before, and I was in a remote place, so I didn’t have time to report it. So now I will describe the whole story in detail to you all, so that you will have a clear idea in your minds and naturally will not say anything more about me.

On the other hand, uh, as a former member of the “work during the day, masturbate at night” club, I’m using a little of my personal experience to help you all conduct an atypical experiment on how an otaku loses his virginity in advance. There are some experiences and lessons in it, which I will share with you all. In the future, hehe, you will find it useful…

I, Chang Shide, have finished my defense.